Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
