I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
