My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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