I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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