It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
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