all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
