guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
