before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
