I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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