Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
