Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
