Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
