I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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