3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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