I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
