why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
