While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
