im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
