During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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