i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
