Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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