i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
