She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize