I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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