He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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