Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
