I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
