I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
