okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm sobbing to NWA
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
