nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
