Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
