She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
