It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Dear god my vagina.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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