I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
