I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
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