my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Randomize
