Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
