I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
