i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
