I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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