can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Randomize