At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
