its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
