thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
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