I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
