discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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