remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
