how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
