I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
