So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
