So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
