how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
