Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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