Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
