just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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