I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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