Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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