you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
