Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
