He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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