I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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