That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
