I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
