And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
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