Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
