I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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