Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
