Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
