Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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