Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
