considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
