I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
